4520) I used to hook up with fetishists/chasers because I was so lonely, but once I realized that 99% of them just see me as a disposable fuck toy that can be replaced by any other trans woman, it no longer made me less lonely. If anything it had the opposite effect. I just want someone to love me or even just be my friend without ulterior motives…
4519) I love to pass but I miss being able to have PDAs with my girlfriend without it attracting attention. When a couple read as heterosexual kisses, nobody bats an eye. When a couple read as lesbian so much as holds hands in a couple-y way, people stare, and lots of people make comments. I’m not a fan. I don’t want to have to pretend like she’s not my girlfriend in public, but I wish people would stop paying so much attention and acting like we’re freaks. It makes me uncomfortable!
4518) I respect everyone’s choices on whether they’re stealth or not, but personally, I choose to be openly trans. That way, everyone who becomes friends with me or dates me knows exactly what they’re getting into. If they’re transphobic, I’d rather have them stay away from me in the start rather than having to go through the pain of finding out later. Besides, disclosure is a bitch and I find it’s way too complicated to know when exactly to tell a partner about what I am.
4517) I can’t win. Either I’m “trying too hard to pass” or “not trying hard enough to pass”. I can’t seem to hit that happy medium.
4516) So I recently found out that my boyfriend has always identified as gay before he met me. He tells me that he’s more pan with gay tendencies but idk if he’s just telling me that to keep me happy… Is there an expiration date on our relationship? Ugh.
4515) So I was convinced for a while that I needed to start dating men after being very solidly dyke identified for a few years, and I was allll upset because no vag blah blah this sucks. So now I’ve dated a few guys and I’m back to women again. So yeah it’s weird. FULL CIRCLE LADIES. Full circle I tell ya. I don’t need to man to legitimize me.
4514) It’s really frustrating when your friends mean well, but are completely clueless and often make stupid remarks that end up hurting, despite them meaning it in an innocent way.
4513) I give myself mad props for surviving puberty. It’s not easy for pretty much anyone, but it’s especially hell when you’re forced to watch your own body morph into this disgusting deformed mess that you hate. It felt like a test of my strength, which I somehow survived.
4512) I hate being turned on, because its nothing more than a physical thing. An inconvenience. Masturbating is pretty much out of the question because I will feel like garbage afterwards thanks to the dysphoria, and waiting it out is hell too. I wish erections weren’t so painful for me. I wish I could be mentally turned on at the same time as I’m physically turned on, and have a normal sex life. But nope, that’s another thing dysphoria ruined.
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