7437) I’m paranoid as hell walking home at night as someone who is visibly trans. One night all my friends were busy, drunk, sleeping, or just didn’t feel like it and I was too broke to get a cab. So I thought I’d be fine, just this once. But I was assaulted on the way back. Ever since then I’ve just wanted to retreat into my house forever.
7436) Sometimes I get cold feet about my transition. Not because I feel like I’d be unhappy as a woman (quite the opposite) but because being treated like a piece of shit by pretty much everyone in my life is extremely tiring. Is it really worth losing everyone and being shat on by society just to be more comfortable with myself?
7435) I’m at the point where I don’t care about blending in with other women as much as I used to. Sometimes cis people will say this makes me not trans, because why bother transitioning if I don’t have the desire to blend in? Well, I spent the first 5 years after coming out doing that (or should I say trying) and I was miserable and insecure because my genetics just aren’t on my side when it comes to passing. So it feels much more freeing not to care anymore.
7434) I’ve stated before that I’m not sure to what degree I’m transgender. For me, being a woman is more a desire than an imperative. However, today I saw a picture of a naked woman, and she was covering her vagina with her hands. I was struck about how RIGHT it would feel to put my hands between my legs and feel a vagina there instead of a penis and testicles.
7433) I woke up feeling super happy and okay with my gender identity. I was for once excited to transition. Then I got online and saw so many transphobic things that I’m really scared and insecure. I hate that complete strangers have total control over my emotions…
7432) I hate it when my mom says “How can you know you want to be a woman when you haven’t lived as a man?” I’m twenty-fucking-three. I went to college. I suffered through middle school and high school. I spent 23 years alone with my emotions. How much more do I need to ‘live’ as a man before my feelings are confirmed? And then she has the gall to feel hurt that I went behind her back to get on hormones. I’d be dead by the time she is ready to accept me.
7431) I started a new job where none of my co-workers knew i was trans. The only person who knew was my manager who does the payroll because, at the time, i was still in the process of legally changing my name. My manager had gotten a new aid who had been tasked with handing out the pay stubs at the end of the week. When it came to mine the assistant didnt know who the paystub belonged to and started asking everyone who xxx was. Fortunately my manager quickly took it from him and gave it to me later.
7430) I’m tried of cis people telling me I’m “rushing things” or that I’m “too impatient” when I express that dysphoria is getting to me…I hate that the people I care about seem to think that they have some deep understanding of how dysphoria works and that it can all be solved by a change of attitude…
7429) I feel like I could never pass, no matter what I did, and it kills me. I certainly don’t want to transition, because you can’t come back from being the shemale freak. And that’s what I would be. I can’t see myself ever being recognized as a woman, only a sick man in makeup.
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