MtF Confessions.

2809) My family doesnt understand how it makes me feel when they want me to go swimming as a boy.

Fri, 24 May 2013 08:00:58 -0700

2808) I have had a beard for the last year and a half, and have known I'm trans about two years. I've been terrified to see a psychiatrist for the first time and start on hormones, but today I finally shaved the beard because I'm ready to start changing. It gave me more confidence than I would have thought, and I will start hormones this summer and see a psychiatrist to start setting things in motion for my SRS.

Fri, 24 May 2013 04:00:41 -0700

2807) "Maybe nobody loves you because you're weird and shave your legs" - my mom "I'll always love you" - my mom... Clearly everyone is full of bullshit.

Thu, 23 May 2013 20:00:29 -0700

2806) people say I look pretty feminine, and I haven't even started transitioning yet.

Thu, 23 May 2013 16:01:15 -0700

2805) My liberal semi-"supportive" mom says I can't be a girl or a gay guy because I never acted "that way" when I was little. I know this from her seeing my painted nails one time. She says I just want attention.

Thu, 23 May 2013 12:01:14 -0700

2804) One time I posted my pic on a forum (a trans forum nonetheless) on a thread for asking others if we passed. And I sort of figured I didn't and I guess I was expecting people to say so, but one response was incredibly fucking rude. They said (paraphrased) that I was the ugliest excuse for an MTF they ever saw. And it really hurt. Like sure, I don't pass, that's fine I guess (although it sucks), but did you have to be so hurtful in telling me that? Ever since then I've been self conscious.

Thu, 23 May 2013 08:00:57 -0700

2803) I told my friend who I may end up dating (we have mutual crushes on each other) that I am MTF. And she was like "Oh, I figured, you did look kinda masculine". And it's not like she didn't accept me, and in fact she still seems into me despite this news which I'm thrilled about, but it still really hurt, because I sort of wanted her to be surprised that I could have possibly been born a man for whatever reason, maybe because it would indicate I passed pretty well.

Thu, 23 May 2013 04:00:39 -0700

2802) Sure, I'm hurt by being called a shemale, or a trap... but for some reason it hurts me much more to be called a cross-dresser. Even if the person is totally cool with that and doesn't mean it to hurt, it stings because it completely erases who I actually am. I don't just wear female clothes for pleasure or fun, after all, it's much deeper than that.

Wed, 22 May 2013 20:00:39 -0700

aww is everything ok? :(

Wed, 22 May 2013 19:54:06 -0700

Unfortunately no, hence the whole life-is-rocky thing right now

I don’t want to go too much into it, especially because you’re all here for confessions, not for my personal life

But basically this is what’s going on

Hello tumblr! Sorry for the inactivity (and by inactivity I mean, in case you sent an ask...

Wed, 22 May 2013 19:33:51 -0700

Hello tumblr!

Sorry for the inactivity (and by inactivity I mean, in case you sent an ask that’s an actual ask or even a not-confession post in general)

I’ve been dealing with some personal things lately that have gotten me too preoccupied and I ended up completely forgetting to update mtfconfessions (its gotten so bad I even forget to take my daily dose of HRT sometimes.)

But I’m here now sooo yeah :D

Speaking of which, today is my 1 year mark on HRT, although I really hope I can stay on them this time, because last time I hit 1 year, life decided to fuck me over and I ended up being off them for a little over a year, and I’d really like for that to not happen again, because my life is pretty rocky right now.

But yeah, love yo faces, and keep on being awesome.

2801) Sometimes I feel weird for not wanting to date anyone, man, woman, or otherwise. I'm totally, 100% ace. But then it hits me that dating as someone who is MTF (or trans in general for that matter) would be a fucking nightmare due to the fact that my dysphoria would make me not want to have sex, the fact that not everyone is okay with dating someone like me, worrying about disclosure, and not to mention, the possible violence. I'm kinda glad I have no urge to take part in it.

Wed, 22 May 2013 19:13:22 -0700

2800) My mum won't use my real name because 'it'd be awkward, I KNOW people with that name', and I find that to be a stupid reason to refuse to acknowledge my identity. But, I don't want to make a big deal of it... I don't know whether to tell her to use the right name and pronouns or deal with it until I move out.

Wed, 22 May 2013 16:00:58 -0700

2799) I had my first experience of being outed by my genitals last night. A girl and I were making out and she put her hand under my skirt and recoiled it when it touched my... thing. She told me that I should have told her I'm "a guy" and walked away to tell her friends. I so wish I could afford SRS in the near future. I hate how having male genitalia has affected, and continues to affect, to my life.

Wed, 22 May 2013 12:01:09 -0700

2798) Being halfway passable sucks so much. Out in public only a handful of people notice I'm 'different'. I need hormones now.

Wed, 22 May 2013 08:00:44 -0700

2797) I'm 17 and the wait for hormones is eating me alive. Next week I was planning on ordering them from a website a handful of trans women recommended since my mom won't agree with me taking estrogen until I'm an adult. But everyone is telling me not to self medicate, it's dangerous, and I don't know what to do. I'm terrified. I don't want to fuck my body up so bad that I can't ever take estrogen again. I can't do this much longer.

Wed, 22 May 2013 04:00:54 -0700

2796) I've been on tumblr and talking to other trans* girls for so long, some of them have become amazingly gorgeous and I haven't had the circumstances to start HRT yet. It just makes me want to cry. I just want to be beautiful too.

Tue, 21 May 2013 20:00:54 -0700

2795) I don't know a single trans person who's further along in transition than I am, but I'm only a year "post transition." I have friends who look up to me as an example of someone who's "made it," but I still feel adrift and scared when I think about the future. I don't have any role models or peers, and I fear it would be compromising myself to look for them.

Tue, 21 May 2013 16:01:09 -0700

2794) I can barely bring myself to look at a mirror. Every time I do I see a glimpse of who I should be, before everything else floods in. Right now there's absolutely nothing I can do to fix it.

Tue, 21 May 2013 12:01:19 -0700

2793) I just realized just how many of us only truly live at night, when we don't have the prying eyes of society to keep us locked in our own bodies, when we can finally relax and be ourselves without worry of ridicule and fear of bigotry, i simultaneously realized just how much i want to see the sun.

Tue, 21 May 2013 08:00:59 -0700

2792) Just once, I'd like someone who knows I'm trans to tell me that I look pretty, rather than say that I pass well.

Tue, 21 May 2013 04:00:37 -0700