2771) I wish people would stop asking my sex in such a mocking tone. It’s one thing if they genuinely are unsure whether to refer to me as a boy or a girl but that never seems to be the reason. Not to mention, why bother asking me if you’re just going to mock the fact that I’m not “really female” and shouldn’t refer to myself as being a woman? What’s the point?
2769) I used to be suicidal, but I managed to control it. I’ve had a lot of fellow transgender people ask how I managed to not want to kill myself when my body is all wrong and with all the dysphoria. I wish I could say it’s the light at the end of the tunnel and the thought of finally being a woman someday, or some shining beacon of hope, but it’s actually because the thought of me being acknowledged as a male in death without being able to correct it disgusts me enough to live on.
2768) I like women. That means, when I’m post op, the fact that I am unable to become pregnant will probably never come up unless the idea of having a sperm donor comes up. I’ll be honest, it makes me not want to disclose my history once I have the full body of a woman… but I’m not sure.
2767) I have some things left to change my name on (passport, Social Security card, birth certificate) but I can’t find the energy to bother with them. I can’t even see a woman when I look in the mirror. How could some sterile government document with a bad picture of that same freak my reflections shows me possibly make me feel real?
2766) I was recently referred to as part of a “minority of trans women” because I don’t use transphobic or derogatory slurs in reference to myself. Being smart and classy is being part of the minority? I’m sorry, but if someone calls me a tranny, I don’t laugh and say “That’s me!”, I get mad and do something about it. I don’t think I’m the only one.
2764) I finally found a guy who likes me for me. But I can’t bring myself to let him see me unless I’m wearing my wig and have on makeup even though he won’t care at all. I don’t feel pretty otherwise.
2763) Because I’m visibly trans, I’ve realized that I’m going to exist on the margins of whatever community I’m part of. What sucks is connecting the dots between that and my difficulty connecting with even my groups of friends…