1028) I’m so restless waiting for hormones. I’m still in my teens and feel like every day I’m getting more masculine because some crackpot thought it was a good idea to deny us hormones until we’ve been living as a woman for ages -_- It’s fucking stupid and I hate it :(
1023) Part of me really doesn’t want to get bottom surgery. But the other feels like I’ll never have a partner, and that I’ll never find anyone to love and be with me, if I don’t. And I’m scared of being labeled a “chick with a dick.”
1021) I’m still pre-everything and I can’t see myself being full time any sooner than at least a year. It’s killing me that I can’t start buying clothes and building my wardrobe because I’m too afraid they will be out of style before I get to wear them out.
1020) I’m a soft butch androgynous trans lady with passing privileges. Somehow my cis friends feel comfortable telling me all manner of transmisogynist things about femme trans women, even though they know I’m trans. This is bullshit. For all the amazing femmes out there, I will not let this stand.
1019) As much as I love that I’ve gotten my voice to a point where I pass in voice online, I still love being able to sing lower. I don’t know what that means, if anything, but I wish my voice sounded more natural in the high notes. I also wish that I could pass in more than just voice.
1001) Even when I’m fully in my female persona I pee standing up. It’s faster and I don’t have to worry about dirty toilet seats.
976) Tonight, while I was out on my porch smoking, I looked at myself and for the first time didn’t see myself as a woman in a man’s body, but just as a woman. I want to begin transitioning now. I just don’t know if I have the guts to go through with it.
972) today in the bookstore women’s room, a woman with beautiful makeup tells me she likes my jacket. still smiling.
971) I spent this past week in NYC. Great shopping. Like, phenomenal. But even here, which would have been exponentially more accepting than back in the Bible Belt, I didn’t have the courage to shop for what I actually wanted to buy. Clothes that would have actually made me feel pretty. Instead of forcing myself into the shell that will protect me from society’s rebuke.
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